And they Lived Happily Ever After...

then realized something was missing and wanted more.


Want to know a secret? I want to be a mommy. Okay. It's not that much of a secret. It's probably the opposite of a secret considering I just signed my privacy away by creating a blog on the internet.


I've never wanted anything more in my entire life.


When I was five years old, my grandmother took me to a bookstore and let me pick any book I wanted. I picked a book about pregnancy and human development. Trying to encourage me to learn about the world, my grandmother unknowingly started the longest series of baby fever ever created.


I played dolls. Oh did I play dolls. My babies had baptisms, the healthiest eating habits, monthly doctors appointments and were enrolled in the best educational systems the playroom could offer.


I was enrolled in a CPR/first aid class in my girlscout troop and was given an official pass to babysit real children by a local hospital. Real children. Like the ones with real needs such as eating and being put to sleep.


I took every biology class offered by my highschool. I later would go earn a bachelors degree in human ecology after taking every class offered in child development.


And when I was 15, I met him. I met the person who would change my life forever. Just like my grandmother had shown me by example, I always looked toward the future and tried to determine if he was the one meant for me. I knew. I always have.


Our marriage has been everything I have always thought it would be and more. I am blessed beyond measure by my best friend and often wonder why I am so lucky.

And yet, it's not complete. I still want a baby more than anything in the world and the past few months have made that feeling stronger than I ever could have imagined. Our journey to have a baby has already been just that; a journey. This journey has turned into the largest, most important and powerful emotional rollar coaster that I have ever experienced and yet we have only entered the amusement park.

The events in the past few months have led me to discover that I need to write to help myself understand and process my emotions and that this process is something I want to document for my child. I need to do this for my own well being or else I will never be able to emotionally cope with this journey on my own.

So here you are...whoever you are that is reading this. Thank you for joining me on this journey.